I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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