You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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