Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
