I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Randomize
