none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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