I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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