Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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