Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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