you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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