Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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