You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
