I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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