Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Randomize
