I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
