Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing