Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.