I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm passing your future prison.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
