He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
