Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
lol hangovers are for mortals.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
