I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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