I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
