why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
