TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
