I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
a search helicopter?!
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
