I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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