last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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