i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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