so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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