So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
