YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
