Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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