He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
