my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
