I could have mohawked her pubes.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
