I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize