Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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