He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
