i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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