I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I can't turn off my feet"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
