Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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