i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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