hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
