Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
