Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
