I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Please, let me fuck your mom
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
