Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
