I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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