: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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