I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
