fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
