3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
