You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
