After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
