yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
