I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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