...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
