Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
