I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
