That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
