making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
