i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize