nut hugger
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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