All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
