So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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