i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
and she was petting her beer can
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
