he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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