I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
