Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
