I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
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I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He has the fingertips of a God
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