batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
