My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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