I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
