worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
