he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
